2011 has already proven to be a year of great change and challenge for me.
It started with a challenge from a friends blog to read the Bible in 90 days. I am now on day 28. I find myself looking forward to my 30 to 45 minutes of quietly delving into the most fantastical, mysterious, romantic story of all time.
Next came the dream. Actually, it is one that I have had numerous times throughout my life, but this time, something seems to have awakened me to it's call.
"I rolled out of bed running late to work as usual. Not having time to wash my face or even brush my teeth, I head out the door to work wearing nothing but my nursing cami, underwear, and a baby blanket. I am fully aware of my lack of appropriate clothing, but it doesn't bother me... I have to do my job. I sat at my desk in the corner of the store and was asked to help some customers with Western Union transfers. As I stood, I wrapped the baby blanket around my lower half, however the blanket only large enough to cover 3/4 of my body. Still, I was not concerned. At this point, I was beginning to notice that my being uncovered was making those around me uncomfortable and fidgetty. Yet I continued to do my job, just as I was."
I thought and thought about the dream, it's significance, why I wasn't uncomfortable (because I definitely would be horrified to be standing in my panties in public), and of course why the others were uncomfortable with me.
And then like a light bulb, I felt the invitation from Jesus to be exactly who I am, saying, thinking, doing "ME"... all the time... in every location and situation I find myself.
I responded:
I've got to have something real
Something real, like a Rock
Can't be moved around
Pushed around
Blown around
Something firm, like a Rock
Got to be real
Something like You
Like me being like You
Like a Rock
I can't take the endless chatter
Words void of life or force
Or experience
Or Truth.
I've got to be someone real.
Like you, like me being like You
Standing in the face of life
Not moved around
Pushed around
Blown around
Standing in the face of sadness
sorrow, pain,
Taking hold of the horns of the alter
Offering myself, giving who I am to You
So You can be given to them
Word full of life and force
Of experience
Of Truth
Like a rock
Me being like You like me
Saying what You say
Doing what You do
So the next day, I took my pants off at work :)
I said what I heard Him say to a vendor. I felt free in doing so, regardless of me appearing crazy or uncovered.
I did it again yesterday. The man didn't know what to think, I'm sure. But that's the point. The invitation was for me to be "ME", and not be consumed with those that are not me.
I'll be like a Rock.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Mi Familia
I realize that at this moment, I have way to many things to blog about. I don't feel like I have the time to share about my trip to the Balkans, because so many events took place. It also involves too much thinking. So for now, I'll share about our amazing family video...
We were selected by a photographer in Albany (connected through a mutual friend) to be her guinea pigs for a new product she wants to offer her clients. Being the test run had some great benefits... it was free, including breakfast! Us Dismukes like free, so it was a no-brainer fo sho!
I saw the video early this morning, and have probably watched it 50 times already. It makes me smile, and gives me an overwhelming sense of being blessed beyond measure. I adore my children, and am still madly in love with my husband after 12 years(next month)of marriage.
Check it out at http://tamminowackphotography.com/blog/
sorry, my link connector isn't working... boo.
We were selected by a photographer in Albany (connected through a mutual friend) to be her guinea pigs for a new product she wants to offer her clients. Being the test run had some great benefits... it was free, including breakfast! Us Dismukes like free, so it was a no-brainer fo sho!
I saw the video early this morning, and have probably watched it 50 times already. It makes me smile, and gives me an overwhelming sense of being blessed beyond measure. I adore my children, and am still madly in love with my husband after 12 years(next month)of marriage.
Check it out at http://tamminowackphotography.com/blog/
sorry, my link connector isn't working... boo.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Why I Could Never Be A Hairdresser
I went yesterday to get my hair cut and styled for the first time in a year. I don't make it very often, but every time I do, I realize that I could never be a hairdresser. It's not because I don't know how to use scissors, a brush, or a blow-dryer, or even that I don't know how to wash someone's hair in the perfect water temperature.
My problem is much deeper than that. You see, as I lay with my head hanging over the funny little sink with my nose positioned very close to the hairdresser's armpit as she washes my hair, I am reminded that my calling was never to do hair. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I tend to sweat more than the typical, delicate female, and sometimes... just sometimes my armpits smell a bit.
My problem is much deeper than that. You see, as I lay with my head hanging over the funny little sink with my nose positioned very close to the hairdresser's armpit as she washes my hair, I am reminded that my calling was never to do hair. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I tend to sweat more than the typical, delicate female, and sometimes... just sometimes my armpits smell a bit.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Truth
I haven't had much to blog about the past week or so, due to zero interaction with the outside world. I had my tonsils removed last Thursday, and by Dr.'s orders, I have remained indoors. Thankfully, I am one of those types that can be perfectly entertained staring at a blank wall, or watching HGTV, or countless episodes of What Not To Wear. This is not the topic of my blog, just a preface to what has happened in my rural farm town this week, and the thoughts that have been simmering for the past few days.
On Monday, 3 houses down from my Queen Anne style cottage/farmhouse, a young man was murdered... in cold blood... in broad daylight. I have lived in a city before, many cities, and was accustomed to hearing about the latest violence or other criminal activity on the nightly news. Somehow I was sheltered then, because I never knew the people, nor their families, or even the sub-communities within the city scape where these events took place. But here, it's quite different. I know the murderers family, in fact, my husband and I have sort of taken his cousin under our 'wing' since moving here. I am a regular at the gas station that this heartless act was committed. Last week, as I was laying in a bed wanting a coke, I thought I could give my son some money to ride his bike to this same convenience store to get some for me...four days later, there is no way in the world I would allow him to run a simple errand like that for me. The victims family is now threatening violence in retribution for one of their owns death.
Even though I haven't been out in the community since this happened, I have felt a significant change in the atmosphere. I began to pray, and ponder what truly lies beneath the seemingly calm surface of my area. Lurking there is generations of racism, fear, powerlessness, greed, lust, and pure hatred. Many here have only known lives of poverty, stuck in a system that prevents them from discovering life, victory, and independence. The schools are failing to properly educate the children, and the community, by and large, has stood by without providing a nurturing, safe environment where kids can be kids and learn to interact with one another in a healthy, respectful way. This brings me then to the Church. Out of 10 churches within a 5 mile radius of my home, not one is inter-racial. Not one of them, that I know of, extends beyond the racial, denominational, or socioeconomic barriers that permeate our society. Don't get me wrong, there are individuals that do what they can to alleviate the burden from some of the down-trodden, but I believe that the Church, the Body as a whole, has been paralyzed... disconnected from the head.
I want to see a miraculous healing in the Church here. I want to see individuals rise up to connect with Jesus to receive the Father's heart for his people. Then I want to see the Church present the only message of hope and freedom that is needed to set the captives free. Jesus. It seems to me that we all want to know what the truth is, how to discover what that truth is, but sometimes we forget that truth came in bodily form. Jesus. Ultimately, what Truth as a Person offers us, is all that is needed. To know Truth, to have Truth living and breathing inside, to have our minds transformed into the image of Truth, is what will set my town ablaze.
So, that's what I've been thinking these past few days lounging in the safety of my home. That's what I have begun to pray for my community... and beyond.
On Monday, 3 houses down from my Queen Anne style cottage/farmhouse, a young man was murdered... in cold blood... in broad daylight. I have lived in a city before, many cities, and was accustomed to hearing about the latest violence or other criminal activity on the nightly news. Somehow I was sheltered then, because I never knew the people, nor their families, or even the sub-communities within the city scape where these events took place. But here, it's quite different. I know the murderers family, in fact, my husband and I have sort of taken his cousin under our 'wing' since moving here. I am a regular at the gas station that this heartless act was committed. Last week, as I was laying in a bed wanting a coke, I thought I could give my son some money to ride his bike to this same convenience store to get some for me...four days later, there is no way in the world I would allow him to run a simple errand like that for me. The victims family is now threatening violence in retribution for one of their owns death.
Even though I haven't been out in the community since this happened, I have felt a significant change in the atmosphere. I began to pray, and ponder what truly lies beneath the seemingly calm surface of my area. Lurking there is generations of racism, fear, powerlessness, greed, lust, and pure hatred. Many here have only known lives of poverty, stuck in a system that prevents them from discovering life, victory, and independence. The schools are failing to properly educate the children, and the community, by and large, has stood by without providing a nurturing, safe environment where kids can be kids and learn to interact with one another in a healthy, respectful way. This brings me then to the Church. Out of 10 churches within a 5 mile radius of my home, not one is inter-racial. Not one of them, that I know of, extends beyond the racial, denominational, or socioeconomic barriers that permeate our society. Don't get me wrong, there are individuals that do what they can to alleviate the burden from some of the down-trodden, but I believe that the Church, the Body as a whole, has been paralyzed... disconnected from the head.
I want to see a miraculous healing in the Church here. I want to see individuals rise up to connect with Jesus to receive the Father's heart for his people. Then I want to see the Church present the only message of hope and freedom that is needed to set the captives free. Jesus. It seems to me that we all want to know what the truth is, how to discover what that truth is, but sometimes we forget that truth came in bodily form. Jesus. Ultimately, what Truth as a Person offers us, is all that is needed. To know Truth, to have Truth living and breathing inside, to have our minds transformed into the image of Truth, is what will set my town ablaze.
So, that's what I've been thinking these past few days lounging in the safety of my home. That's what I have begun to pray for my community... and beyond.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wise beyond years?
I'm writing this so that I will not forget it.
Isaac make a comment only knowing a small portion of the bigger picture. Ben replied with, "A little knowledge is dangerous."
Isaac answered back, "It is more deadly to the one who wields it than to it's opponent."
What? My nine year old just said that? My question is what movie he heard it in, but Isaac insists it was his own thought.
Quite profound, excellent clarity, and full of truth.
Isaac make a comment only knowing a small portion of the bigger picture. Ben replied with, "A little knowledge is dangerous."
Isaac answered back, "It is more deadly to the one who wields it than to it's opponent."
What? My nine year old just said that? My question is what movie he heard it in, but Isaac insists it was his own thought.
Quite profound, excellent clarity, and full of truth.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Passport
My birthday is Friday. For the first time, I am beginning to feel old.
I probably wouldn't be feeling this way had I not needed to renew my passport. My old passport had been expired for over a year, meaning the picture of me was of a bright eyed, smooth skinned nineteen year old. A picture that I actually liked. Well, a few weeks ago, I realized that my up and coming trip to Greece and Bulgaria was going to require a current passport, so I headed to the local Walgreens to have my picture made. I took the time to blow dry my hair, run the flat iron over it, and did my normal make-up routine. All this, just to be sure the picture would be decent.
The young teenage photo boy took my picture, then loaded it onto the computer... right in front of me. As the picture slowly appeared on the screen, I gasped, nearly choking on my gum, and exclaimed in horror, "That is so not me, I am not that old!" The boy glanced at me and snickered. I had these horrible bags under my eyes, which I am attributing to the poor fluorescent lighting, with crows feet almost an inch long coming from the corners of my eye. Unfortunately, I cannot attribute that to anything other than maybe I smile a lot? Not so sure. The clincher though, is that my nose looked twice as big as it actually is. I have no idea how that happened. I always liked my nose with the little ball at the end of it, and always believed that it fit my face. But oh no, not in this picture. For the first time in my life, I looked at myself and felt very unattractive. Vain, I know.
It's taken me weeks now to process through this ordeal, and I am still having some trouble with it. I have to have this stinkin picture for 10 years. Then it hit me, when I have to renew this one, the next one will surely be worse, unless I have a chin tuck, an eye lift, and a nose job. Don't noses continue to grow? Dear Lord, help me.
I probably wouldn't be feeling this way had I not needed to renew my passport. My old passport had been expired for over a year, meaning the picture of me was of a bright eyed, smooth skinned nineteen year old. A picture that I actually liked. Well, a few weeks ago, I realized that my up and coming trip to Greece and Bulgaria was going to require a current passport, so I headed to the local Walgreens to have my picture made. I took the time to blow dry my hair, run the flat iron over it, and did my normal make-up routine. All this, just to be sure the picture would be decent.
The young teenage photo boy took my picture, then loaded it onto the computer... right in front of me. As the picture slowly appeared on the screen, I gasped, nearly choking on my gum, and exclaimed in horror, "That is so not me, I am not that old!" The boy glanced at me and snickered. I had these horrible bags under my eyes, which I am attributing to the poor fluorescent lighting, with crows feet almost an inch long coming from the corners of my eye. Unfortunately, I cannot attribute that to anything other than maybe I smile a lot? Not so sure. The clincher though, is that my nose looked twice as big as it actually is. I have no idea how that happened. I always liked my nose with the little ball at the end of it, and always believed that it fit my face. But oh no, not in this picture. For the first time in my life, I looked at myself and felt very unattractive. Vain, I know.
It's taken me weeks now to process through this ordeal, and I am still having some trouble with it. I have to have this stinkin picture for 10 years. Then it hit me, when I have to renew this one, the next one will surely be worse, unless I have a chin tuck, an eye lift, and a nose job. Don't noses continue to grow? Dear Lord, help me.
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